Do Emotions Belong in the Coaching Room?
The short answer is yes.
We work with human beings, and emotions are part of the human experience. They will be present in the coaching room whether we consciously invite them or not. What matters is how we acknowledge, hold, and work with those emotions — our clients’ and our own.
Emotions Will Always be Present In The Coaching Room
Emotions don’t wait outside the door until the coaching session is over. Clients arrive having already lived a day, perhaps a week, filled with experiences that have stirred all sorts of feelings — frustration at work, joy from a personal achievement, anxiety about change. These emotions accompany them into the coaching space.
Sometimes clients talk about emotions in a detached, cognitive way: “I was really annoyed,” they might say, but their tone may sound matter-of-fact. Other times, emotions show up more clearly — a raised voice, tears, laughter, agitation.
When that happens, our role as coaches isn’t to suppress or sidestep the emotion, but to validate it. A simple statement like “It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time” can acknowledge what’s happening without judgment or intrusion.
Recognising Without Labelling
Sometimes clients don’t name the emotion at all. They may describe a difficult situation while appearing restless or tense. In those moments, it’s best to acknowledge the emotion without assigning it a label. Saying, “It sounds like you’re going through a tough time right now,” keeps the space open.
If we jump too quickly to define what the client is feeling — “You’re clearly upset,” for instance — we risk misinterpreting or invalidating their experience. They might respond, “No, I’m not upset, I’m frustrated,” which shifts the focus away from their story and onto our assumption. Recognising that emotion is present, without needing to name it, keeps the conversation psychologically safe.
Making Space for the Full Spectrum
When we talk about emotions in coaching, our minds often go straight to the so-called “negative” ones — anger, sadness, fear, or frustration. But emotions exist on a full spectrum. We also encounter joy, satisfaction, pride, and contentment.
It’s just as important to make space for positive emotions as it is to hold space for uncomfortable ones. A sense of calm, for instance, can be just as revealing and valuable as a moment of distress. Emotions, whatever their flavour, provide information about what matters most to a client.
What To Do When Emotions Show Up Strongly
It can feel unsettling the first time a client cries or expresses anger during a session. Many of us are conditioned to respond with sympathy — to rush for the tissues, to comfort, to make it better. But in coaching, that instinct can inadvertently signal, “Please stop crying.”
One client once shared how her boss had handed her a tissue during a tearful meeting. To her, that gesture felt patronising. It reminded her of the power imbalance and made her feel small. In coaching, our job isn’t to make the tears go away; it’s to make it safe for them to be there.
Most tears are momentary — they rise, flow, and subside naturally within seconds. Allowing that process to happen without rushing in is an act of respect.
Holding the Emotional Space
Clients will take their cues from us. If we become visibly uncomfortable or fidgety when emotions arise, their trust in the safety of the space may diminish. But if we stay grounded — calm, curious, and present — we model emotional steadiness and acceptance.
Tears don’t always mean sadness, either. They can arise from pride, relief, resonance, or joy. We’ve seen people moved to tears when they finally voice something deeply true for them, or when they connect with a meaningful purpose. Emotions are simply evidence that something significant is happening for them.
Why Emotions Matter
Emotions are not inconvenient intrusions; they are information. They tell us what is important. Within coaching, when strong emotions surface, it signals that we’ve touched something meaningful.
Emotions serve multiple functions:
- They signal importance – to ourselves and others.
- They mobilise energy – prompting us toward action or change.
- They help us adapt – encouraging us to shift direction when something no longer feels right.
- They connect us – inviting empathy, understanding, and authentic communication.
Anger, for instance, often drives change. Social movements like Black Lives Matter were fuelled by collective anger — energy channelled into purpose. Similarly, in coaching, a client’s frustration might highlight a boundary being crossed or a value being ignored.
Building Emotional Literacy
To work effectively with emotions, coaches need emotional literacy — an understanding of what emotions are and how to recognise and describe them accurately.
When Tom runs emotional intelligence workshops, he often ask participants to list any emotions they felt that morning. Common answers include tired or stressed — which are states, not emotions. Expanding our emotional vocabulary allows for deeper conversations and richer insights.
Models like Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotion offer a helpful starting point. His framework outlines 32 related emotions, branching from eight core ones — joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation. Understanding this model is not about memorising every word but about cultivating a broader, more nuanced language of feeling.
Psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett, meanwhile, challenges the idea of universal emotions. She argues that emotions are constructed — shaped by culture, language, and experience. Her perspective reminds us that each client’s emotional landscape is unique. When a client says they’re “angry” or “frustrated,” it’s worth exploring what that word means to them, how it feels in their body, and what it’s telling them.
Physiology and Emotion
Emotions live in the body as much as in the mind. Some people experience anxiety as a racing heart, others as a tight chest or a dry mouth. The physiological responses vary from person to person.
Understanding these individual differences can help coaches invite clients to explore their embodied experience. Questions like “Where do you notice that feeling?” or “What’s happening in your body as you talk about this?” can bring powerful awareness.
Using Emotion as a Catalyst for Change
Emotions can be harnessed. When clients connect their goals to emotion, motivation deepens.
One of my clients transformed his health after recognising that his lifestyle was affecting how he showed up for his daughter. The love he felt for her became his emotional driver, sustaining his behaviour change far more effectively than willpower alone.
Emotions can also signal what we care enough about to act on — a spark for purpose. Helen has seen clients channel anger about climate change into powerful leadership and advocacy. When we connect emotion to vision, change becomes not just possible but compelling.
Welcoming Emotion
Ultimately, emotions belong in the coaching room because people do. Our role isn’t to fix or control emotional expression but to make space for it — to let clients know, implicitly and explicitly, that their emotions are safe here.
When a client apologises for tears, simply let them know:“Your emotions are welcome here.”
Because they are. Coaching is, at its heart, a conversation about what matters most. And wherever meaning lives, emotion will be close by.
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